At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was born a porn star she said
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
