i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
