i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
