I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
