I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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