I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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