she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
