I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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