4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
