What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
