I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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