Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
