He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
