I wish you could order shots online.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
40s are totally the cure
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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