Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
