have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
