My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
