He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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