You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
