WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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