the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
