Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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