3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
vagina is talking i cant
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
