i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
