I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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