you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she peed on how many people?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
