He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
