This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
