She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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