I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
