dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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