Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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