I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
