so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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