That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
