I just saw a hot homeless man
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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