so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
please come you make the beer taste better
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
