sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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