Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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