Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
