just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
