I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
