you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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