You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
