Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
