you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
