Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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