i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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