So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
