i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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